Girls on the Run

It has been a very long time since I last posted a blog entry…for more than six years, I have posted on average once a week, but I fell off the wagon at the beginning of March and as each week passed, it became harder and harder to get back on.  So I decided to break my writer’s bloc with an old favorite: Girls on the Run. 

Twice a year for the last four years, the school has sponsored 2 or more Girls on the Run groups under the continuing leadership of Elissa Stieglitz and my wife Lisi and including about a dozen different volunteer assistant coaches over the years.  Each group consists of 15 girls in the 3^rd, 4^th and 5^th grades and, altogether, has involved about half of all of the MJBHA girls in those grades during that time.  The program helps train the girls to make good social, emotional and physical choices, to handle adversity, to cooperate and support each other, and, of course, to run.  Each season culminates in a 5 kilometer race (or “run”, since there is no official timing for the event.)  

Yesterday, in a slight drizzle and overcast skies, 3000 participants from all over Montgomery County came together to brighten the day  and celebrate another successful Girls on the Run season.  Clad similarly in pink Girls on the Run shirts, the girls took to the streets to show that 5 kilometers was no match for these determined young ladies.  It was joyous, fun and triumphant as each one of the girls crossed the finish line with their running buddies—dads, moms, older sisters, and in one case, even a younger brother. 

In past years, I played the role of official photographer while my daughter ran with another running buddy.  This year, it was my turn to participate as Yonina and I took off together and set an excellent, steady pace throughout the race.  She’s a veteran now (this is her fourth GOTR race) so she helped lead me through the pack and across the finish line and I got to experience the girls’ excitement up close. 

In a world and a society in which there is so much that is inappropriate or cynical, this gathering had the feeling of unadulterated wholesomeness.  The smiles were genuine, the feelings of pride well-earned, the excitement palpable, and the camaraderie very real.

Kol ha-kavod to Lisi, Elissa, all of the rest of the coaches, and most especially to the 30 girls who accomplished so much over the last two months. 

To rally in support of agunot

Yesterday, we took a bunch of seniors to the rally downtown on behalf of Tamar Friedman, who has been an agunah now for several years.  Her husband works for a congressman and has refused to give her a get, despite the fact that their divorce was finalized in American court many years ago.

We have spoken in school about the plight of agunot a number of times, so I was caught by surprise when several of our students expressed reluctance to go to the rally.  For some, it was merely a question of strategy (are rallies effective, might they backfire, etc.)  These are reasonable questions and reasonable people may differ.  Other concerns revolved around a concern that we were hearing only one side and that we should not protest until we hear from Aharon Friedman as well.

Here’s where I was a little more taken aback.  On the surface, this concern also seems reasonable, but in the context of agunot, I don’t believe that one need to hear both sides…and clearly, our education on the topic did not resolve these questions for the students.

My response to the students would be as follows: We are not taking sides in a divorce proceedings or whether one is a better spouse/parent than the other.  There should be NO EXCUSE for using a halakhic loophole to blackmail or extort the other side.  This is a distortion of the nature of halakhah and its purposes, and it makes no difference if he has legitimate claims against her.

Let’s say that the husband feels wronged by an unfair ruling in family court.  And let’s say that we agree with him.  The recourse is to appeal the ruling based on the facts, the same recourse that a woman has if the ruling seems unfair to her.  I believe that we as halakhic Jews must vociferously oppose the use of the get bludgeon as a bargaining chip, since if we open that door, we have no way of drawing a distinction between legitimate and illegitimate claims…not to mention the fact that the woman NEVER has this option, regardless of how unfair the ruling is.

This is a uniquely Orthodox problem, one that fortunately has become a little less prevalent with the advent of the pre-nup agreement that most RCA rabbis now use before serving as a mesader kiddushin at a wedding.  As a problem that stems from the peculiarities of the halakhot of gittin, it is only we as halakhic Jews who have the credibility and clout to do something about it.  So we also have a special responsibility in this area.

Our Judaism is supposed to elevate us, bring us closer to Hashem, make us better citizens of the world, and more responsible to each other.  When religion is used to bring pain, it detracts from all of us.  This is an unintended consequence of a legal system in which loopholes necessarily exist, but it is not a result that we should accept.

In the end, I had no need to speak directly with the students, because we ran a program this morning directly from ORA (Organization for the Resolution of Agunot).  The program was excellent and helped to scope out the whole range of issues involved.  Kol ha-kavod to ORA’s executive director Rabbi Jeremy Stern and to David Marks (Class of 2007) who helped to organize and run the program.  And kol ha-kavod to our seniors, who took the time to consider their important messages carefully and thoughtfully.

The Talmud’s cameo in the Knesset

Last week, Ruth Calderon, a secular Israeli who holds a doctorate in Talmudic studies (unusual in its own right), gave a remarkable speech to the Knesset upon her induction as a new Knesset member from the upstart Yesh Atid party.  It is available here in its original (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktDfdxLcUtk) and here in its translation (http://www.thejewishweek.com/editorial-opinion/opinion/heritage-all-israel).   In a country often divided by religious sensibilities, Dr. Calderon’s highly unusual “shiur” (Torah lesson) on the Knesset floor promoted the study of Torah and the other books of our tradition, waxed poetic about the values within our ancient texts and culture, and even generated some collaborative comments from some other members of the Knesset in attendance.  Most importantly, she used the Talmud to try and build a sense of understanding and respect among all Israeli factions.  Needless to say, such speeches are unheard of in the Knesset…and in the US Congress for that matter.  Perhaps most amazingly of all: the Youtube video has 177,000 hits…and there are only about 7 million Hebrew speakers in the entire world.

Is it ironic or sad that it took a secular Israeli politician (or professor turned politician) to create such a positive buzz about the Talmud and promulgate such an elevating message from our religious texts?  For all of the respect that I have for Dr. Calderon, wouldn’t it have been amazing if a tolerant, open-minded, and deeply religious Jew had given this speech? 

As a Jewish educator, I found her speech to be uplifting and a wonderful reminder of the way that our ancient texts can be plumbed for meaning and inspiration. 

Today’s memorial for Jeff Binder, z”l

Thank you to the 250 faculty and staff, students, parents and community members who came today to pay tribute and last respects to our dear friend, Jeff Binder, z”l, who served as our Building Operations Director for 27 years.  Never had I heard such consistent reflections on one man–of his menschlechkeit, friendliness, good cheer and willingness to help everyone.  What a tremendous a tremendous tribute to Jeff and what a wonderful legacy to leave…though it was way too early for him to pass on.  

Dr. Yocheved Debow

If you are a parent of a Middle or Upper School student, your child may have come home and talked to you about their Healthy Living curriculum…but I doubt it. 

Students of this age tend to be reluctant to discuss topics related to their development, relationships and sexuality with adults in general and their parents in particular.  In many cases, this reluctance has little to do with how they relate to their parents as much as it does about the lack of a common language, the assumptions teenagers make about what their parents think or believe, and the teenagers’ own discomfort with the topic.

The Healthy Living curriculum, introduced into the Middle and Upper Schools last year, provides a framework for talking about these topics in a guided way, providing both the opportunity to discuss sensitive matters and guidelines for introducing Jewish perspectives on sexuality, intimacy, relationships and physical development.  The curriculum recognizes the world that we live in…and more importantly, that our students live in…and works within that reality to give the students an understanding of Jewish perspectives (often a range rather than simply a single point-of-view) based on halakhic practices and standards.  It does a wonderful job in balancing the need for informing our students about our values while remaining relatively non-judgmental in its discussions.

The developer of the curriculum, Dr. Yocheved Debow, came to train the faculty last year in an intensive 2-day session and is returning this year to speak to the parents.  On the evening of January 21, Dr. Debow will discuss the approach of the curriculum and the role of the parents in engaging with their own children about issues of sexuality and intimacy.  Those who had the opportunity to hear Dr. Debow last year know that she is a spellbinding speaker and that her expertise in an area so foreign or uncomfortable for many of us is endlessly valuable. 

None of us can or should take for granted what our children know, think or believe about sexuality or intimacy.  Dr. Debow helps to give us the encouragement, the tools and the language to speak with them productively and meaningfully and to find a way to transmit our sacred values to the next generation.  I strongly encourage all of you to take advantage of her visit to the area and join us in the Stanley and Sheryl Turitz Bandroom on Monday evening at 7:30 p.m.  You will be glad that you did.

To RSVP and reserve a copy of Dr. Debow’s book entitled Talking about Intimacy and Sexuality and: A Guide for Orthodox Jewish Parents please follow this link: www.mjbha.org/Academics/Upper_School/RSVP_Teenagers_Sexuality_and_Halakah.cfm.

For more on Dr. Debow and the program, please press here.

Jeff Binder z”l

Remarks this morning to the high school students following this morning’s davening:

As most of you know, the HebrewAcademy suffered a big loss over the break.  Jeff Binder, zichrono li-vrachah, passed away suddenly last week in his home.  He was not a young man, but he wasn’t very old either.

Some of you probably didn’t really know Mr. Binder.  But many of you did.  If you needed to print something special, if you worked with HADAS, if you needed to reserve a room, or if you needed a chocolate in the middle of the day, you probably had the opportunity to know him.

And if you were lucky enough to know him, you know that he was one of the nicest, friendliest, most generous people you will ever see.  His office is filled with various letters and gifts of appreciation from the bachurim and bnot sherut throughout the years, each of whom quickly learned that getting to know Mr. Binder was the most important and most valuable relationship that they could make while at the Academy.

In his office are also numerous certificates from his 27 years at the school and they are all remarkably consistent: each one talks about his friendliness, his menschlechkeit, his helpfulness.

His willingness to do favors for people stands out the most.  From time to time, we are all asked to do something special for someone—sometimes we do it, sometimes we don’t, sometimes we are gracious about it, sometimes we aren’t.  Not Mr. Binder.  Unfailingly, if you asked him for a favor, he didn’t just agree but always made it sound as if it was his pleasure.  He would also say “sure” instead of yes, “I’ll have it for you by noon” instead of “I’ll see when I have the time”, “it would be my pleasure” rather than “I’ll see what I can do.”  And for his graciousness he was rewarded with a barrage of requests from everyone—teachers, students, parents, me!

Mr. Binder did many of the little, behind the scenes type of tasks that helped make the school run smoothly, including getting up at 5 a.m. to help make the call on snow cancellations, hiring security guards for after-school events, making sure that rooms are reserved properly, recording all of the updates on our phone messages and hundreds of other jobs that no one pays attention to.

Mr. Binder was an unassuming man who dedicated 27 years to the school.  The Academy became his family and he made the school a much better, friendlier, and nicer place.  He will leave a huge void.

Mr. Binder greeted everyone with a smile and made everyone who met him happier than when they arrived.  It is an amazing legacy that he leaves.  For the next week, let’s pay tribute to his legacy by doing our best to greet each other warmly, be-sever panim yafot, and to say “sure thing” when someone asks us for a small favor.

Yehi zichro baruch.

Middle School Maccabiah

Do you remember the days when color war was just color war?  In the last few years, the Middle School Maccabiah has been transformed from an event heavy on the fun and light on the education to one that has managed to combine the fun and the education into a truly magnificent couple of days.

This year, the Middle School students were divided into four teams focused on the Jewish calendar:

• Yamim Noraim
• Shalosh Regalim
• Shabbat
• Chanukah-Purim

In addition to some of the mainstays of color war, including tug-of-war, relay races, and basketball games, the Middle School Maccabiah includes many, many other activities, all of which are evaluated both for aesthetic quality as well as educational quality: divrei torah, skits demonstrating the team theme, museums exhibiting both the theme and some traditions associated with the theme from Jewish communities around the world, banners, powerpoint presentations, team chant, and food.  Each activity had to be related to the team’s name and a coherent explanation accompanied each one. 

It seems that each year, the kids outdo themselves with better skits, more elaborate museums, fancier foods, and articulate, interesting divrei torah.  Watching them work in teams is exhilarating…boys and girls, 6^th graders and 8^th graders, students with strengths in academics, arts, sports, playwriting, you name it.  Without a doubt, they are excited about the competition and doing the best that they can to win points for their team, but when you walk through the museum, for example, and hear the pride in which the presenters (docents) explain the different components (usually 5-6 per room), it is obvious that the learning and the sense of ownership go well beyond the accumulation of points for the Maccabiah team.  When you work hard at something, especially for such a short but intense period of time, your pride shines through as you breathlessly tell the visitors all of the clever parts to your room…or banner…or skit…or powerpoint…

I was really struck by the consistently high quality of the presentations and the deep learning demonstrated by them.   It certainly made me feel that the Maccabiah was not just an enjoyable way to celebrate Chanukah but a truly effective educational vehicle as well. 

I was also struck by the participation of the teachers in their respective teams.  Like the students, the teachers took great pride in how their team was developing their presentations and worked so nicely and naturally with the students to make sure that they put their best foot forward.  Kol ha-kavod to Rabbi Shields and Mrs. Atlas, as well as to all of the Middle School teachers, for pulling off an exciting, fun, educationally and Jewish meaningful Maccabiah.  I look forward to seeing the next one next year!